Where I’m from, you’re considered rude to question things, systems, processes, people older than you, anything really. Around here, people who ask questions are mostly considered to be troublesome and rude, but what if they just want more understanding?
I’m Yoruba, so that makes it even worse. Yoruba is the ethnic group in my country known for being very “respectful”. In my culture, you bend down or kneel down as a female, and prostrate as a male, when greeting your elders. Don’t forget to add “Sir” or “Ma” too. “Respect” (mostly eye service) is so important in Nigeria and more so in the Yoruba culture.
In the Yoruba culture, you are supposed to use “e” when referring to someone older than you. For instance, my older sister is one year and nine months older than I am, but I refer to her as “Sister Ayo” because it would be “disrespectful” to call her by her name, Ayo. Same goes for my younger siblings. A lot of families don’t do this anymore, but it was the norm some decades ago.
Interestingly, the person who enforced this particular “Sister” culture amongst my sisters and I is my mom’s friend. Another thing to note; people in my country, especially the older generation, don’t respect boundaries. An Uncle, Aunt or friend can dabble into your family affairs and make rules and it’s considered as being caring. Like they say, “it takes a village to raise children”. One of the things I grew up angry with my mother about is how she allowed interference in our family from so called friends.
Another interesting thing is that my mom’s friend’s children don’t call themselves “Sister/Brother”, so you can imagine my confusion when she was trying to “instill respect” in my sisters and by making us call each other “Sister”. I think I asked my mum “why” as usual and her friend replied me that she must not hear me calling my sister by name or something like that. As at that time though, I was too young to stand up her to a certain extent, especially because my mom agreed to it.
Apparently, the friend had taught her children to do same but somehow they didn’t continue with it. My own mother allowed her friend make a rule in our family that she couldn’t sustain in her own family and it stuck with us. That’s a typical example of how people interfere with family and friends businesses unapologetically in my culture.
Back to the question, do I still ask questions? Hmmmm, asking questions got me in a lot of trouble in the past, so I toned it down a bit. I noticed I was usually a part of few, sometimes the only one asking questions, so I began to question myself. I know I’m still kind of different and unconventional in my thinking; but not only did I stop asking questions, I forgot that I used to ask a lot of questions until my secondary school class mate asked me.
Secondary school in my country is what’s referred to as high school in some countries. I imagine that my classmates then must have been irritated by my question asking behavior, for my class captain to remember😁. He said/asked it in an admirable way though, so that’s some comfort.
POV: I wasn’t the best student in class, wasn’t even top 5 so why was I even asking questions forguhsake🙄.
Oh, he also said “I hope you are still a good person”. That really touched my heart. What did I do for someone I spent 3 years in the same class in secondary school with to ask if I’m still a good person.
Then there’s his wife’s story about how she used my name to lie to meet up with him in those days😂😭. They’re so cute. They were both my classmates and friends in secondary school and they both got married. I remember I used to have a crush on the guy. They absolutely made my day.
I’ll have to come back and answer to whether or not I’m still a good person, I don’t have the answer right now. I have some self reflection and evaluation to do, although I’d say right now that I’m probably not as much of a “good person” as I was back then. Regardless, I sincerely hope that no matter how many questions I ask, or how weird or annoying people initially perceive me to be, I hope that they always remember me to be a good and kind person.
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